Learning to breathe agian

This scares me. It's been over a year now and I can't get over you. I find that the last thing on my mind as I go to bed at night are the questions, "Are you ok?", "Are you happy?". This is really scaring me.
I thought so many times over the past months about calling you and asking if I could meet you somewhere and talk to you. I kept procrastinating because I knew that this would be so awkward, for you, for me.
The other night I read your journal on SuicideGirls. I cried. Why, I don't know. Reading the things that you have gone through without me being there for you just hurt. I feel like I am on the side-lines of your life. That's not where I want to be.
Since we have broken up I have dated other girls. I think the longest lasted maybe a month. I kept coomparing them to you. I don't know if that was wrong of me, not giving them a chance and all, but I don't really care. It seems like I can never open up anymore. A few weeks after we "split up", I realized how stupid I was. I was such an asshole back then. I told you that you were immature. I was the one who was too immature to see the whole picture. I hope you will forgive me for that.
I know that you have been hurt in the past. I know that I hurt you even worse. I pushed you away becuase of my immaturities and impatience. I wan't you to know that I want to be there for you. I know that you have a boy-friend right now and that is fine, I hope that you have found happiness in him. I want you to know that I want whatever makes you happy. I want to be a shoulder for you.
I can't tell you that we are meant for each other. But I can tell you that I truly love you and I always will, nothing will change that!
I don't want this to be awkward for either of us. I don't know how you feel about me and at this moment it doesn't really matter. I just felt like I had to tell you these things, I couldn't keep it bottled up inside anymore. I hope that our friendship will blossom. I hope that I can be a part of your life, it doen't matter what role I play in your life as long as I am in it!

I know reading all of this is probably scaring you and maybe confusing you. It has confused and scared me for the past few months and it has only gotten worse. I hope that saying these things to you has not totaly shut you off from me, that would be too much to bare. You don't have to tell me how you feel if you don't want to. I just want you to know how I have felt, and feel about you. You have stolen a piece of my heart that will be forever yours, and no one can keep you from it.

I love you!